During the age of aristocracy a bridegroom would nightly visit his bride at her home and only after the birth of a child or the loss of parents to the bridegroom or husband, the bride would be accepted as the wife in the man's home. Among common people labor power was and essential factor to maintain a family. It was an accepted practice in the Tohoku area in north for a bridegroom to live with his bride's family to offer his labor for a certain length of time. More widely spread was the system for a bridegroom and bride to offer their time and labor to their own families. In such cases the husband would visit his wife nightly to maintain the married life. Again in Izu Islands it was for a wife to work for the family of her husband who would, however, stay at her home. The practice remains today in the system of adoption by which a man becomes a member of another family by marriage. Under either of such system it was necessary for families concerned to reside in neighborhood.
In the old days of aristocracy men seem to have been freer and more insistent than those to follow in later ages in proposing marriage to women. Court Lord Fukakusa is said to have called on Ono-no-Komachi, "Miss Kyoto" of the 9th century day and night for one hundred consecutive days and broken down from exhaustion without her word of "yes".
After nightly visits of a man at the home of his aimed-at bride, he might be invited by her parents to a bedside and offered "Mochi" rice cakes. "Tokoro-Arawashi", as the ceremony was called was the most important function in the ancient wedding among aristocrats. A similar practice was seen among common people for a man to visit on the parents of a bride-to-be for approval of his marriage to their daughter.
With the rise of "Bushi" warriors whose spheres of activities were no longer limited within Kyoto or close neighborhood, the system of women marrying into men's families was gradually adopted and widely accepted in the 14th century and on. Under the feudal system marriages were often used as plitical and diplomatic approaches to maintaining peace and unity among feudal lords. Thus the personal will of men and women for marriage was ignored in the face of family interests and the social intercourse of unmarried persons was denied. Marriages came to be arranged by and for families and the role of "Nakodo" gobetween became very important in Japan.
Another result of the "Yome-iri" wedding and family marriage was the increased importance of engagement. The "Yui-no" betrothal thus became a serious step in the Japanese marriage. A "Nakodo" gobetween would make further certain of a proposed marriage by the ceremonial exchange of drinks with the bride side immediately upon acceptance of the proposal. "Yui-no", as still observed and later described more in detail, is the exchange of various items between two families concerned assuring the engagement to be followed through.
The wedding ceremony became also more elaborate. A messanger would be sent to the bride's home where family members hold a farewell party before hanging her over to the bridegroom side. At the wedding ceremony proper in addition to the "San-San-Kudo" exchange of drinks between the bridegroom and bride, drinks were now exchanged between members of the families for unification on the family basis.
Having briefly reviewed the history, we are now ready to go back to marriage and wedding, as more widely practiced in Japan today.
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